Off the wagon

It's Sunday night March 1, 2015. I am excited to write this post and explain the way my body feels at this moment. I have had four days off of the fmd plan and I feel like crap. It's crazy how gross I can feel and yet I still decide that I want to put bad food in my body. It started out on Friday night with a hamburger that was so greasy and unsatisfying that I felt a strong urge to purge. I didn't. I wish I wouldn't of spent the money, the energy or guilt on such a meal. I thought that I would enjoy it. My brain told me that I would. But if I'm honest my body was repulsed by it. Saturday I did well besides the lack of an eating plan which was hard (a lesson for the future). Saturday night we had girls night and I baked an amazing chocolate cake. Once again had I really taken the time to listen to my body rather than my brain it would've told me that I didn't really want it. I thought for sure that the girls at the party with ravage my beautiful chocolate cake. But in the end I was left with more than half of it to take home to my family. Big mistake!! Today has been a more or less free for all and now that it's three fourths of the way gone Adam and I both feel disgusting. This is in addition to the pizza I ate yesterday and today from Barros. 

Why oh why do we do this to ourselves. There must be an emotional component to this there must be something pulling us towards sugar, fat and processed food. However, while on the diet I didn't feel much inkling to cheat. There is more to this emotional process which is a post I will explore for another day. 

Tomorrow is the start of my second FMD program. I have to say I am so excited. I have a friend that will be starting it with me, she knows nothing of the diet only this success and excitement that I have shared with her. Her name is Brie and tomorrow we will go on a walk and I will help her understand what the diet is. I am strongly considering not having any processed sugar or processed foods until my birthday in May. I really feel like this will be a great birthday present to myself and help me get down to the weight that I want. I'm concerned that I have ruined the progress I've made my first FMD program but I know This is just the guilt trying to get the best of me. I'm hoping my newly revitalized metabolism kicks in somewhat to make up for what I've done.

The main thing I want to take away from this weekend is a renewed sense of dedication coupled with more control over my mind body connection. The habits I have with food are embedded deep in my mind. They convince me of untruths  and persuade me to think irrationally. No more!! Today is the last of the uncontrollable days. 3 months without sugar starts now. 

The positives of my bing weekend 

I didn't have diet coke which was one of my goals

I didn't have additional cake at the function for primary tonight

I only had one bowl of ice cream today. 

I had a good breakfast every morning. 

I played volleyball and got outside several times. 

My goals for this next round are as follows

Exercise the exact amount she calls for in the diet. Give it my all. 

Self care

Dry brush daily, slim and sassy daily